Great Early Christmas Present!

Yesterday I finally was given the best early Christmas Present - I am officially Cancer Free!!!.  After two longs months of waiting after having my last scan which was at the beginning of October and might I add a bit devastating having to wait patiently for two long whole months I was once again relieved to hear that there is no evidence of disease NED in my world.  I feel on top of the world today and am pleased to say that instead of going back in six months for a scan and check up I can go back in a year.

HURRAY!!!

Now just some interesting finding that came out of the latest scan the lymph nodes around the liver are still enlarged but it is not because of the surgery or cancer related but it could be because I have a chronic Liver disease - fatty liver well so what I have a fatty butt too lol  When the doctor asked me if I was a heavy drinker I laughed and told him I am usually cut off after one drink.  All kidding aside I must exercise more, watch my diet and a watch my alcohol intake.  Well this is kind of hard when I go down to Punta Cana those Majestic slushy drinks, the Sambuca just seem to appear before me and of course I can't be rude and not drink them.   I am also going to make an appointment to see my physician to see if anything else is going on because my mom has been battling Primary Billary Cirrhois for years and no this was not caused by alcohol abuse it is in fact a auto immune disease.

Wishing everyone good health and happiness especially during this Christmas season.
Hugs

All clear again!

On May 13th had a cat scan and the results today May 14th were great!  Melanie and Charlotte my good luck charms went with me for my follow up visit with Dr. Kapoor this afternoon.  I am so happy to report that there is NED (no evidence of disease).  All is clear!  The lymph nodes around the liver are still a little enlarged but in Dr. Kapoor says I a not to worry, so I will do my best not too!  I have way much to much to live for!  Next scan September until then much health and happiness to you.

My One Year Anniversary

Today marks my one year anniversary of being Cancer free!!!  I am not sure where the year has gone and I am so glad I am able to write this posting because I know of two fellow kidney cancer warriors who lost their courageous battle this year:(
Things that I am so grateful for…
Having the best surgeon take care of me last year so that I can still be here to enjoy life with my family and friends especially our new grand daughter – Charlotte.
Having the most loving and caring husband-Doug who stood by me through this cancer and having the compassion to make a doctor's appointment to have me signed out of work so that I could properly heal.
Having my children who remind me everyday of how much they love me and remind me that I am not going anywhere because I have too much nagging to do.
Having my blood pressure remain on the low side because most often persons who loose a kidney suffer from high blood pressure.
Having met some great folks from Kidney Cancer Canada who have supported me and I in return have supported them.
I have been able to scratch an item off my bucket list…the slingshot at Canada’s Wonderland.  I think that I would however like to take it for another spin.   
Having two wonderful, strong, courageous role models my Grandma Abbott (who battled cancer) and my Mom (who has lived with Primary Biliary Cirrohis - liver disease for the past 16 years).  They have taught me how to face and battle this dreadful disease.
Things that I have learnt this year…
To stop and take care of myself once in a while because the world around me does not stop just because I do.   (I still think it might)
Humor is still my best friend and without it I really don’t know how I would have coped through this cancer scare. 
It is ok to lose your super woman powers because you can always find a new super woman cape to wear.
I love being a Grandma!!! This new role is truly one the most amazing experience I have ever had especially having the privilege of witnessing the birth of Charlotte.
Melanie is a wonderful new mom and that Charlotte is a very lucky little girl. 
Alex can cope and survive just fine while he is away going at school and that I truly miss him when he is not home.
One should never try to mop the floors after only two weeks after surgery that dam bucket might fall over spilling water everywhere which takes forever to clean up. 
I have a great group of friends especially the girls who I paint with every week we all had a rough year and I know that without this night it would have been an even more difficult year with out all of you. 
Things that I would I would like to do this year…
Just Enjoy Life!
Enjoy celebrating Doug’s and my 25^th Wedding anniversary in October.  We will be going to Disney World to start the celebration by going back to our honeymoon spot and no Doug I am not wearing the Tinker Bell costume lol  We wanted to celebrate our 25^th by doing a Mediterranean cruise but with the unrest over in that area we will do smaller trips and enjoying them just as much.
Last but not least try to not get scanxiety before my May Cat scan and Doctor’s appt to find out the result of the scan.  Sometimes this is easier said than done.  

Wishing all readers of my blog much health and happiness.
Hugs

The Cape is on and I am back

Well after the last time I had wrote I wasn't ever sure that I would or could say that I feel better than ever!  I have found my super woman powers and although they are definitely not what they used to be, I do possess them once again.  I just realized as I sit here writing that I am holding and cuddling my new super power source - Charlotte.  Family and friends don't worry I am not gonna wear those silly tight ass super hero costumes because then I would just look plain silly and would embarrass my family greatly, wait a minute I do love to embarrass them.
 My three month hiatus from work was exactly what I needed even though I hate to admit that Doug was right. lol  He really did me a favour by taking me to the doctors to get some much needed time off.   These three months gave me time for me which may sound selfish but it was my saving grace.  I hated work, I was miserable and I definitely was not me. I was able to spend time with Doug that I needed to because without him I would not have made it emotionally through this last cancer scare.  I spent a lot of time with Melanie before our beautiful grand daughter Charlotte was born.  I was given an extra special gift from Melanie and Brendon when they asked me to be in the labor room with them.  I thought the experience of giving birth to our two children was awesome I can't describe how truly blessed I was to watch our daughter give birth to her first child.   I have been able to spend a lot of time with Charlotte that I would not have been able to had I been working and for this I will be forever grateful.
Tomorrow I go back to work.  How do I feel?  Anxious, two weeks ago I was ready to go back but today I am not sure probably just the thought of getting up early and having to face that cold dark morning is turning me off.   I wonder if work would mind if I went in an hour late.  lol   I must say at least I don't have to get into a cold car, once again Doug saved me by having  a car starter put in my car last year.


Wishing everyone a healthy year
Hugs
Denise

Things can only get better from here!

Well after much anxiety since my scan last month I received some great news yesterday from Dr. Kapoor,  my lymph nodes have started to decrease in size and I have been given my membership card to Club N.E.D.  which is an exclusive club that gives us cancer patients the privilege to say that there is No Evidence of Disease!.  I say this through a heavy sigh relief and a happy tears.   My next scan will be in April of next year and results will be in May! 
 
While many may say "see I told you that you had nothing to worry about" or "I told you everything would be fine" that does alleviate the anxiety or thought process that one goes through when dealing with the fear of having the results given to you after a scan in fact for the person dealing with cancer or any disease for that matter it sometimes feels like what you are going through is trivialized.  I know most of us don't know what to say to someone who has been diagnosed with a life threatening disease but instead of saying anything at all just listen to your family member or friend to truly understand what it is like to be in that person's shoes.   I hope I have not offended anyone in this paragraph and if I have I do apologize if I have but I felt it was important to say after being at a Patient/Caregiver Connect Meeting last evening hosted by Kidney Cancer Canada  discussing How we can treat & You can cope with Kidney Cancer Better.  

With all of that being said I truly value all the love and support I have received and continue to received through my journey with Kidney Cancer. 

Hugs
Denise

Hitting the Wall of Reality

It has been six months since my surgery, eleven months since my diagnosis and I thought that I have been dealing with this but apparently not.  I have discovered recently my super woman powers have failed me and I have hit the wall of reality.  I have turned into a emotional and mental wreck. Physically I am fine as of right now unless I am told otherwise at my next specialist appointment in November, I just had my six month CT scan this week.  I guess I have had one too many losses in the past year.  First with the passing of my dad, then just a few months later my diagnosis with kidney cancer and the lastly our kids moved out.  Melanie first (thank God she is close) and Alex moved to Peterborough to go to school.  I am looking forward to seeing and holding our granddaughter and the thought of her is what keeps me going!  I don't think the reality of the passing of my dad hit me until this past summer when one day I looked in my review mirror saw my eyes and thought I will never see my dad's blue eyes again and then cried all the way to work.  I know that I used work as my escape but with the changes that are occurring there and the way I was beginning to unravel I was not coping.
Last week my husband finally had enough and made me go to see our family doctor, where we discussed how I have been emotionally, mentally and feeling physically.   I can say I am so glad I have Doug watching out for me, I know I have a great loving and supportive husband.  A good nite sleep seems to be a thing of the past, I used to stress eat but even the thought of eating some days makes me nauseated.    After hearing of my inability to cope with things he signed me out of work for two to three months.  I was told it was time to finally take care of me and that in order to do this I have to put me first which I find very difficult to do.  
After being signed out of work at first I thought I was a failure but I actually feel like a huge weight has been lifted off.  I said to my mom that I felt like a loser for being signed out of work but she said that it took more courage to admit to not being able to cope.  Sometimes our mom’s are so smart and I am so glad I have her.  Since then many family and friends have told me that they were shocked that I did not take any time off after my diagnosis or more time after surgery.  In hind sight I wish I had because maybe I would not be where I am today. 
So for now I am recharging my super woman powers so that I can be ready to deal with whatever comes my way.  Plus I am going to need my energy when our little Charlotte is born as I am often reminded that I am 50.

I am in the Clear!

I was given some great news today!!! SCAN was clear!!! I feel like I am on top of the world. The lymph nodes are still enlarged which is in all likeliness due to the trauma of the surgery. I now have to take care of my little ovary that started this roller coaster ride because apparently the cyst is back. Dr. Kapoor my doctor wants me to go see my gynecologist so tomorrow I will make an appointment. Thank you to all my family and friends for your love and support during this time. Hugs to you all!

No Drug Trial for me!

As you are all aware of yesterday I was to start the clinical drug trial well I won't be, I have been declined as a candidate for this.  I knew as soon as Dr. Kapoor entered the room that I would not be able to be part of the trial and when he spoke Doug and I thought oh no they found something on my lungs but fortunately it was not my lungs, liver or pancreas.  My CT scan showed that I have two enlarged lymph nodes on my left side near my left kidney.  Now Dr. Kapoor has said that he is pretty confident that it is not cancer and that it could be residual effects from having surgery, or they have caught some cancer cells and they are fighting them off or I could have a bug and they are enlarged because of this.  So what this all boils down to is no drug trial because I will have past the 12 week of being able to be part of the trial,  I will be having a CT scan at the end of June and will get the results at the beginning of July, so now we wait to see.  If the next scan shows that they have reduced in size I will then have CT scans every 3 months and if they are still enlarged I will be put on the drug that I was going to be taking for the drug trial.
I am so relieved and thankful that the scan showed nothing on my lungs or other organs this being said I am disappointed that I will not be part of the drug trial but when life throws a curve at you then you have to just go with the flow.  I am not going to sit and stew about what if because I have to many things to look forward to this year, we will be taking Alex to Peterborough so that he can begin his post secondary education in Police Foundations, we will be empty nesters come September and in November Melanie will be presenting us with our first grandchild.
One thing I have learned from this journey is to expect the unexpected.  Things never seem to go as planned when you are diagnosed with cancer.

First Scan and the Waiting Game begins again:(

Well yesterday was a long day. When I arrived for me scan I found out that they were two hours behind! My scan was suppose to be at 1:30 which would have given me enough time to grab something to eat before going for my going for my blood work and clinic appt. By 2:25 I was panicking, I had not had my scan and I needed to be over at the Juravinski cancer centre next door for my next two appts by 2:45. I asked the nurses who were getting patients ready for their scans if they could call the clinic to let them know that they were running behind, the nurse that I asked was a snot and gave me some attitude. I called them myself. I was able to make it on time for my clinic appointment but not my blood work but after my appointment I was able to have it done. I have to return tomorrow to have an ECG and all of these tests will be sent to the Pharmacuetical company conducting the drug trial to ensure I am eligible to start the trial. I have to wait two before I find out if I can start the drug trial. I will also get the results from the scan then, so I am a bit anxious having to wait to find out if my lungs and liver are clear of any mets to these organs. I can only keep my fingers crossed and pray that the cancer has not metastasized to these organs but the goods news if it has I will go immediately on a drug that is successful with dissolving these tumors. Until then I will wait... I start back to work today and I am not sure if I want to go back. Physically I am ready to go back, mentally I just haven't got my head around it. I better soon I will be leaving for work in about a hour and a half.

Week Eight and Our Family Vacation

I believe this was the best healing week ever!  Doug took us to Florida for a family vacation where we could take time to regroup and catch our breath before we have to deal with the next year.
The sun and sand was perfect.  We had excellent weather and am so glad we were able to do this.  We spent four days on the beach doing nothing but enjoying the water and sun.  We went to Busch Gardens where we fed Giraffes and Wallabees.  I must be feeling like my old self and the healing process is well under way.  I rode two and only two roller coasters.  It was worth feeling a little sore afterward.  Did some shopping which was fun.  Doug bought me my early Mother's Day present a Pandora Bracelet, with three charms - mom, a giraffe and a lots of love.  I have the most thoughtful husband. 
My Mom is a very supportive and caring person, she came down to watch our dogs Millie and Abbey so they did not have to go into a Kennel even though she was not feeling all that great. 

I have noticed that my right side around the incision site feels like it pinches sometimes and this is apparently part of the healing process.  My stomach no longer looks swollen it is almost back to normal.  I did not have any naps this week but I was in bed most nights by 9:30pm. 

Tomorrow I go for my fist part of stating the clinical trial drug.  I will have my scan, blood work and see the clinical nurse.  Hopefully the scan will be clear so I can be part of the drug trial. 
I start work on Wednesday this week and I am not sure if I want to go back.  I think retirement is looking really good right now but I can't seem to convince work that they should continue to pay me to stay home. lol 

I will let everyone know how things go tomorrow. 

Kidney Cancer Canada Patient Education Conference

On Saturday Melanie and I attended a Patient Education Conference held in Toronto for patients, families and others who were interested in learning more about kidney cancer.  The Conference was informative and empowering.  I am so glad that I found Kidney Cancer Canada through my research about kidney cancer.  Their website is chocked full of very useful information about kidney cancer.  The interesting thing about Kidney Cancer Canada is that its  is a charitable patient-led support organization established to improve the quality of life for patients and their families living with kidney cancer. It is only 5 years old and this was their 3rd annual conference.

The best part of the day was the networking that went on with other patients and families.  You don't feel so alone.   Kidney Cancer does not have the same awareness that Prostrate, Breast and Colon Cancer does but it should.  Kidney Cancer is treated like a chronic illness because of the chances metastasis that could occur shortly after the kidney is removed or years later.

I found out things that I did not even considered about how things would be different for me after having my kidney removed. 

Recovery Week Six

I can't believe how fast the time has gone. I have had many thoughts of things that I could possibly do around the house but the only thing that I have the energy or strength to do is some light house work including washing the floors without dumping the pail of water all over the place.lol. The best part I don't get asked "what are doing" or "are you serious, should you be doing that?". I do it when no one is around to catch me doing things. lmao. I continue to walk everyday and most days it is my two mile adventure but there are some days it is only one mile. I try not to get discouraged on the short walk days and it is usually Doug who says it is going to be a short walk for you today because you look like you have had enough. Thank God I have him to remind me not to go overboard because I would probably push myself to the edge of craziness. I still nap in the afternoon if I have been out in the morning or busy doing light house work. The nice thing is I am really starting to feel like my old self and I am not as weepy as I had been at the beginning of my journey.

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Hugs to all!

The Clinical Drug Trial

I will be starting the Clinical Drug Trial at the beginning of May.  I just hope I don't turn into a human glow stick but if I do at least Doug will have a night light. lol  The Trial is a Double- Blind Study which means that I nor the doctor will know if I am taking the real drug or a placebo.  My Urologist Dr. Kapoor is also the Study Doctor for this trial.  I will be taking the drug for 1 year and will have to have x-rays, CAT scans, blood work and will have to complete questionnaires over this time period. Doug and I figured either way they will be watching me so closely over the next five years what do I have to loose.
The drug is called Pazopanib (also called Votrient) and it is hoped that after having a kidney removed due to cancer the drug can or delay the renal cell tumour from coming back.  There are 1500 hundred adults in approximately 25 countries in North America, South America, Asia and Europe in this study.  It should take 2.5 years to complete and the results should be known in approximately 5 years.  There are side effects to taking this drug so I will know what I am taking.  The biggest side effect is diarrhea, lightening of hair clour ( like this matters I already colour my hair), high blood pressure (great I just got rid of my high blood pressure), rashes and there are so many more.  The ones I have listed are the most common ones. 

I can't believe it has been Five Weeks since My Surgery

Wow five weeks already. I have walked almost every day this week for two miles but still require a nap ever day. I am not sure if it is part of the recovery process or my age. lol. I am going with the recovery process. I feel a lot better this week than I did last which is definitely a good sign.  My right side seems to be more sore this week almost like a pinching sensation.  From my readings it is part of the healing process.    I am so grateful to all my family and friends for their continued support. Today (Friday) I received a call to give me my appointment dates for the Clinical drug trial and my CAT scan. Next Tuesday (April 10) I will go to the Juravinski Cancer Centre in Hamilton to see about becoming part of the drug trial. At the beginning of May I will have my first scan after surgery.

What Cancer cannot do!

If you know anyone who has dealt with Cancer or who is going through cancer please share this poem with them. My mom gave me this poem when I was first diagnosed with Cervical Cancer I read this poem almost everyday and it helped me get through those difficult days. I brought it back out so that once again I can start reading it again.

 What Cancer cannot do!

Cancer is so limited.

It cannot cripple Love.
It cannot shatter Hope.
It cannot corrode Faith.
It cannot destroy Peace.
It cannot kill Friendship.
It cannot suppress Memories.
It cannot silence Courage.
It cannot invade the Soul.
It cannot steal Eternal Life.
It cannot conquer the Spirit.

I am so Grateful for all the Support

I am very fortunate to have a very supportive family and friends.  I know I could not have made it through this so far without all of your love, support, positive thoughts and prayers.For this I thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart. 

Love and Hugs
Denise
           xo

My Fourth Week of Recovery and Follow Up Appointment

This was my best week still walking only .5 to 1 mile a day but finally made it to two on Saturday.  So far so good I don't feel like I had done a marathon.  The trick is to take my time.  

My follow up appointment took the wind out of mine and Doug's sails.  You see as I have said earlier in this blog I was told 100 percent cured well that all changed with the Pathology report.  I am now sitting with a 60 to 70 percent cure and I will take it.  The pathology report found that I had what they call a Common Clear Cell Cancer, Stage PT3A, Grade 2.  What does all this mean?  The most common type of kidney cancer is called renal cell carcinoma. This cancer forms in the cells lining the small tubules in the kidney that filter waste from the blood and make urine.  Stage PT3A, Kidney cancer has 4 stages and I am stage 3.  Kidney cancer is graded from 1 to 4 and I am at a 2, this determines how quickly the cancer grows.  I felt like had had been punched in the stomach with this news.  I am so glad Doug was with me when I was delivered the news.  Even as I think about it now I feel sick to my stomach.  

Well what does all this mean?  It means there is a possibility that it could spread to my lungs or liver.  The possibility of getting kidney cancer in my other kidney is very rare.  What do we do to ensure this does not happen?  Time will tell but I have to believe at this time I am fine and that worrying about what if just can't be part of my thought process.  This way of thinking took few days after hearing all of this information and digesting because I was on an emotional roller coaster but after one really good cry and not a few tearful moments but I mean Niagara Falls crying.   I spoke with a woman who was cleared after five years and eleven years later a tumor was found, it was in fact renal carcinoma and it took all that time for it to manifest itself.  Worrying about what if is not going to help the situation.  So I have decided to do a clinical drug trial that could extend my percentage of not having the cancer return.  I will be having a CAT scan in a month to ensure there are no new tumors at this time.  I will be having regular chest x-rays, CAT scans and blood work to ensure that they keep a close eye on me.  I will also be keeping records and getting all reports so that I too can keep track of my progress.    

One must be very careful when doing any research on the internet and I have discovered a wonderful Website Kidney Cancer Canada.  It is a very good resource and support network for persons with kidney cancer and their families.  At the end of April they are hosting a free conference for patients with kidney cancer and their families which I will be attending. 

On Saturday of this wee

My Third Week of Recovery

Not napping as much as I did the week previous weeks and I am able to do a bit more.

Finally I was able to sleep in my own bed!!!  All is well in the my world again. 

The weather this week has been totally awesome and made walking outside fantastic.  I started off with .5   mile walk for a couple of days, then 1 mile and then finally two miles.  I had been walking two miles almost everyday for eight months prior to my after surgery and one of my goals was to get back to walking two miles again.  I had a great nap this walk and for days after I lost my get up and go.

I still wasn't up to go to painting class so the girls from our Wednesday night painting class came to me.  What a nice surprise!

I was not as weepy this week has I had been in the first couple of weeks but still have my moments.

At the end of the week I thought that I could try to do a few things around the house,  dust mopping the floors was okay but I should not have tried to wash the floors when I tried to squeeze out the mop I knocked over the pail of water.  You can imagine what I said when this happened, the air was a little blue to say the least.  I think it was trying to mop up the water that done me in.  It had taken me a couple of days to recoup after this ordeal.  One of which I won't repeat for a while.

My Second Week of Recovery

The second week was much as the same as the first.  Still sleeping on the couch, napping a couple of times a day.  I had to go see my family doctor to have my staples removed - 25 in all.  A couple of those staples made my toes curl back when they were being removed.  I also had my blood pressure taken during this visit and discovered for the first time in a very long time my it was on the low side.  Now I know why I was feeling cold all the time and light headed if I got up quickly.

I still was unable to drive this week because one I did not have the energy to drive and secondly I could not make an emergency stop without it hurting.  I am so thankful I had Melanie drive me to my doctor appointment and on Wednesday to get my haircut.

On Saturday Melanie and I went grocery shopping what a long two hours, yes I said two hours who would have know it would takes us so long.  I felt like I was going in slow motion for the better part of this outing and had to have a nap when I got home.


I was able to walk to the corner and back, I am so thankful the weather has been nice for me to get out walking.

I also found myself weepy again this week but got through it with lots of hugs and support from my family and friends.